By Soumya Bisht, Batch of 2019
Mini Militia – a game that was nothing short of a life-altering point in every college student’s life this year. With nicknames changing from ‘Bunty’ to ‘Noobsta’ and ‘HotKhadakSingh’ based on the skills/usernames of the players, a game that had started off with people second guessing its name after being told of it (“‘Mini Malaysia’ hai kya?”) has come very far indeed and is probably one of the trending conversation starters. The game – when played for the first time with a new group of potential buddies- can decide your credibility, nickname and everything in between.
So here’s our ode to the ‘Mini’ phenomenon in the form of an analysis into the kinds of people you will find in any deathmatch :
1) The Feeder : Your essential ‘ghatiya’ player. The reason why the winner won by 20 kills instead of 10. Ever ready to get killed, this noobster freezes right in front of the enemy and with a smile, lets the other person detonate him to pieces. Killing him is as easy as 1,2,3. Talk about an easy victory margin.
2) The Harsha Bhogle : That one friend whose life revolves around making sure that everybody within a 1 metre radius knows his moves and plans. From blank threats to a reading of the scorecard – this guy is definitely the reason why you get busted by your teacher during a mini match. “BC ab mera ‘nade aayega!”
3) The God : That guy who refuses to die. His pistol manages to kill you in all your bazooka glory. His head bounces off the grenades back to you and he never misses his aim. The winner in every match, you hate him. Sometimes you avoid including him in the game but then there’s that slight possibility that you might defeat him this time round. But nope. Another defeat. All you can say is, “Pro pack khareed rakha hai usne. Jeetega toh sahi!”
4) The NOOB : This is your quintessential first timer. Hiding behind anything and everything to avoid attack. Be it the bushes in the forest or the rocks in the catacombs. Hilarity ensues as this player tries to run away each time you approach them. “Mere ‘nades se kitna door bhagega tu?”, said Harsha Bhogle.
5) The AllahuAkbar : This player is new to the game. And the only real offense strategy this noob has is to go near the enemy, and launch the grenade. It is alright if you die, as long as you get that one chance to see “Noobie killed XYZ” in green on your screen. He is your ultimate suicide bomber. “Kill ke liye kuchh bhi karega”.
6) The Joker : From pretty punny names to funnier actions, this is that one guy who makes the game 10 times more hilarious by just being a part of it. Stealing kills, chasing the guy with the Pro-Pack and getting himself killed (Yaar, uska pro pack hai. Warna main nahi marta), and adopting as ridiculous an avatar as possible – this guy is the reason that all of you burst laughing and get caught in classes. He doesn’t shy away from playing the game in classes with the volume all the way up. And ‘Your Mom killed You’ is definitely a cherry on top of the cake, right?
7) The Follow-Up : I bet that at least three-fourths of the mini-militia playing population falls into this category. These are the people who make sure they analyse the game after it gets over. Drawing a flowchart and scrutinizing every kill that happened during the game is definitely what they live for. From wrong tactics, to a dearth of quality ammunition – these are the guys who have it all figured out. And they make sure that each one you get your report cards at the end of the day. “Abbey, bazooka is all about aiming. Aim karna seekh ya fir seedha pistol le aur goliyaan daal de.”
8) The ‘Mini’ Ghissu : That one guy who pretty much decides which team wins, if and when you are playing a team match. The pillar of his team, he has perhaps researched the game to an extent such that he knows the intricate technicalities of the game which we noobs are often happy to describe as the ‘It’s all about the bandook’ game. He knows if a single shotgun is better than 2 pistols, knows the time it takes for each gun to load like the back of his hands and don’t even get me started on this guy’s knowledge of the maps. This is that guy who knows exactly which place to bomb, the respawn site even before he respawns. He is the Godfather of your team – the one who runs to the exact spot where a sniper appears at 6 minutes and 28 seconds, grabs the sniper and shoots all your doubts (about losing) away. Spot him and make sure he stays by your side. “BC doosri team mein gaya toh bas pro pack hi bacha sakta hai mujhe.”