By Vidushi & Muskan, Batch of 2022
[Juliet is sitting under a tree, adorning the lush green Nescii lawns, waiting for Romeo to arrive after attending his Electrical Machines class.]
Juliet (to herself):
O Romeo, where art thou Romeo?
JEE divided us into streams,
Nonetheless, I felt thy presence at society meets.
Why must I be the Sun, and thou the Moon
Crossin’ in fleeting interludes?
[Romeo appears before Juliet]
I must not dare ever again, my dear
To attempt a proxy in any class.
Lest I shalt not see thou next year,
For in this semester, I’ll fail to pass!
O my Savior,
My knight with shining hacks.
Thine eyes carry more fear,
Than those with multiple backs.
Fret not for we shalt findeth a way, my dear
To o’er-wrought all setbacks!
Only if every Juliet found her Romeo in this dystopian world of engineering, these four years of college life would have seemed much more endurable (if not entirely blissful). Not all of us, however, were born under the lucky stars to have the fortune of finding “the one”. While some yins and yangs exist for a namesake, other individuals feel nauseated by the concept. These listicles will walk the reader through all the different lovestruck (or not) species found thriving in the campus, discernible only by an observant eye.
To start things off, let’s talk about the eye-candies of Bajrang Dal. They spend hours coddling and cuddling with their partners – their entire world revolves around their bae (a.k.a. the most annoying way to refer to one’s love interest). The puppy love is adorable at first but soon the overuse of endearing terms combined with, god forbid, almost scandalous PDA takes its toll on those around them. These victims of testosterone and estrogen abuse are ardent devotees of OYO. Love at first bite perhaps?
Shut the fake up!
The next category comprises the couples, who keep up the facade of being together just for the sake of it. The reasons for being under the Imperius Curse (for the world) and the Crucio Curse (for themselves) are numerous, some of them being fear of confrontation or the inability to call quits. Initially it might seem easy to accept a confession, but then getting away from the shackles of an unsolicited relationship only results in the victim getting a feeble status of ‘majburi me committed’. Other reasons include succumbing to peer pressure, an urge to flaunt a Valentine and aspirations of climbing higher on the social ladder.
Thank you, next?
This category is widely available on Tinder or Bumble – taking “change is good” way too seriously (way too frequently). Be it their need for social validation or an effort to satisfy their narcissistic tendencies, it becomes a routine for them to have someone new around every second week. Either they find every other person equally attractive, or don’t find their current partner interesting enough to hold on to them. Whatever the reason, these casual flingers must certainly figure out a way to resist such hormones surges.
Wake me up when it’s all over.
All those who got their hearts hijacked and later vandalised, make up the next category. Relativity seems to be working perfectly fine for them as time stretches on and on and they keep falling into a never ending black hole of resentment, the singularity point far away from their reach. The symptoms include feeling irritable and edgy all the time, incessant whining, scrolling through doleful break-up quotes and in extreme cases, swollen red eyes. Only handpicked Arijit Singh numbers seem to comfort their wounds. Their numb state of mind is almost paradoxical, as only after surviving this miserable phase they truly attain enlightenment.
Stay hungry, stay foolish.
The phenomenal success of the meme industry is significantly ascribable to the next set of people on our list. They are more open about their feelings than what is acceptable and are immune to any kind of judgement. Easily recognisable on social media for commenting on their crush’s profile picture in superlative-laden English, these people can calmly drink a self-made potion of mortification. They are expert at stalking and retrieving seemingly useful information, while also being adept at projecting themselves as the sweetest, most concerned and protective friends. Converting their ‘single, ready to mingle’ status to ‘in a relationship’ is perpetually a priority. These folks could have went a long way shaping a more productive life, had they forgone such fruitless pursuits.
The DeepVeer types
Next up are the serious couples. Every nascent couple, determined to pursue their teenage affection till the valentine gifts are replaced by a ring, (wrongly) assumes themselves of being a right fit for this category. However, it is extremely difficult to uphold the virtues of this honourable cult. When confronted by pragmatic liberals on the durability of their relationship, these couples quote the example of Sundar Pichai and his wife, who had fallen in love when they were only eighteen and not mature enough to understand the intricacies of a romantic affair. One lesson that can be learnt from them is having a long-term vision and then carrying it forward to bear successful results.
Haq Se Single
While some just dive into this alluring sea of love, others get intimidated by its infinite vastness and have apparently risen over such petty amusements. These people who are often spotted wearing ‘Sab Moh Maaya Hai’ and ‘Sakht Launda’ sweatshirts, thwart every move which might be directed their way, unapologetically reject confessions and keep advancing friendships under check. According to them, clinging onto transient and fictitious infatuations is not worth their time. Independent and focused, they watch the rest of the world plunging into this trap and feel accomplished after avoiding any unsolicited drama in their already cheerful lives. While some wait patiently for the right time and the right one to playfully paint the canvases of their blank hearts, others simply don’t want to salvage their freedom and independence which might get infringed on addition of a romantic partner.
At some point of our lives, we all fantasize about having an everlasting, unadulterated and impeccable relationship. One that does not believe in portrayal, but is content simply with an existence. A bond that has no place for envy, anger or cynicism and is built on the pillars of unwavering trust and faith. However complicated or tiring, a love affair might seem, it is highly advisable to explore this unknown territory at least once in the formative years of our college lives.
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” – Khalil Gibran